50 Questions In 50 Days

I don’t know if any of you actually read what I write or not but regardless, there is going to be a lot more of me in these upcoming months. 

I have just finished the book, Live What You Love, by Bob and Melinda Blanchard. I bought it yesterday and basically tore through it, deeply taking in each sentence. There are several wonderful “Remember” pages full of Do’s and Don’ts, and I felt like I was etching each one onto my heart as I read them. Things like “Don’t stay in a job you don’t enjoy” and “Do ask yourself as many questions as it takes to discover where your passion lies.”

It’s that second one - the one about asking questions, that brings me to this post today. Bob and Melinda talk about asking yourself questions and more questions until you discover what it is you really love. After all, we can’t live what we love until we discover what that truly is, right?

So, as an exercise for myself and possibly you as well, I’ve created a list of questions to ask ourselves in order to help define that passion, one question everyday for the next 50 days. They are not in any particular order, except for my own random stream of consciousness. I tried to avoid common cliche questions, as I’ve never found them helpful and you probably wouldn’t either. 

My goal: Learn a thing or two about myself that I didn’t know before.

So here goes.

Day One: How do you really feel about what you are doing right now at this exact moment? 

I’m not sure if this should be referring to today’s blog entry or the fact that I just stayed up way too late watching Project Runway... Either way, I’m surprisingly calm these days.  Hardly anything gets done in a timely manner, but I don’t seem too bothered by it. I feel that my thoughts right now are becoming more and more rational. Not boring, just more directive towards a happier path. I realize how self-destructive I can be, but I know with all my heart and being that I’m in some sort of a transitional phase right now. I don’t yet know what has spurred this change or what it will bring, but I’ll be damned if I just sit by and let it happen without experiencing it, without taking something from it. Other than love, the best way I know how to live is with my mind. That’s where this project came from, and there’s an itching in my soul to complete it honestly and thoroughly. I’m excited to fill these blank pages, to unravel a part of me that I may not even know exists. 

I hope you enjoy tagging along. 

Life's Magic

My impatience is going to get the best of me. For the better part of the past two years, I have been almost obsessive with not only clawing myself out of this massive hole of despair but trying to assign meaning to everything as well. Every person. Every experience. Every feeling. Every decision.

While I don't doubt that there indeed is meaning ascribed to all of the above mentioned, I can't help but feel at times that I'm trying to live beyond my years. I'm so busy trying to get to that point, that mysterious, shape-shifting yet undeniably desirable point where everything is supposed to make sense, that I'm missing all the good stuff along the way. I mean, I have an appreciate eye and a heart as well as an ear and mind. I know when to stop and smell the roses...

I just seem to have this nagging feeling that what I'm trying to grasp at simply doesn't exist-not in a physical sense anyway. It's self-created. Maybe I created it to give myself a light at the end of the tunnel? I don't know. What I do know, is that I have wasted far too much time waiting for this act of 'self actualization' to reveal itself. I can't falsely create it; that would defeat the purpose. Like love, I only need to enjoy the ride along with myself, and it'll come. I won't know when, and I won't know why, but what's life without a little bit of magic?

Let It Grow

It was too late, cracks escalated
breaking us down. Keep walking

don't look back for
deception awaits the eyes.
Lies, promises
stories, memories
all with the hope-
the hope to one day slowly
edge back into consciousness.

Thoughts planted, wound up
It's time to let them go.

Allow your feet to cease course,
breathe a moment.
Feel it with all your heart. Watch
those tail lights of a sorry
past life fade away.

How I Became

Abelle, thank you for your last post. I have decided to follow in your footsteps and also post a little something about what has spurred me into becoming me.

Photo style.

All of these contribute to who I am today, in no particular order, mind you. The good. The bad. The beautiful. The ugly. Also, sorry about the fuzzy ones. Some of these were unfortunately saved to photobucket.