In. And out.

When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?

I'm doubting the usefulness of this question, because as soon as I read it I did what? Focus on my breathing, of course. But before now?

There was a huge storm Friday night. The thunder woke me from my sleep, so I decided to go out on the balcony and check it out. To say it was pouring would be an understatement. So I, at 2am with no shoes, rather just shorts and a tank top, extend the top half of my body out from the balcony as far as I could without going overboard and just allow myself to take it all in. I naturally got quite wet and I only lasted about three minutes due to my plummeting core body temperature. But I remember coming in, going to the bathroom to check out my rainy hair-do (or should I say hair-don't...), and it was then that I realized how exhilarating of an experience that was. My heart was pounding from excitement, and my breaths were short and quick. I had let all inhibitions go, allowed my intuition to guide me and came away with an intensely stimulating moment that I'm sure will stick around for a while.

Double Trouble

*Note, there are two questions in this post, because I stupidly missed yesterdays'.

1. What do you feel is your greatest skill? 


Well, tying a knot in a cherry stem with my tongue is a very close second, but I guess I would have to say that my greatest skill is my ability to listen. I've been sitting here for 10 minutes trying to figure out what my answer was going to be. At first I thought that I would put down 'love' but love is not a skill, rather it's a gift. 

So with love out of the equation, my gut has been practically yelling at me to put down 'listening' although I don't really know why. Maybe I should LISTEN to my intuition and run with it? Ahaha, that's the first pun I've made in a while. Bear with my corniness. 

I guess I could be comfortable calling my ability to listen a skill, and one of my greatest ones at that. Yes, it has taken trials, failures and careful attention with practice to get this said skill where it is today, and I suppose I should take a little pride in that. One of my main goals coming out of this 50 questions in 50 days project is to become a more effective communicator, and how could I possibly do that without listening? Simple, I couldn't. So here's a toast to my greatest skill in training; may you develop into something even more beautiful than you already are. 

2. Write your epitaph - the sentence you would want to appear on your grave. *(I'm not trying to be morbid. I want to know what first comes to mind. Maybe you'll later reflect on it and wonder what went through your brain that day or perhaps, it'll still ring true. You never know.)


-Music, when soft voices die, vibrates in the memory.

Five, Six, Pick-Up-Sticks

Do I stand up for myself?

While I don't let people walk all over me, I am much more concerned about those around me than I am about myself. Whether that's entirely good or not, I can't be sure, because my empathy for others is quite strong at times to the point where their problems become my own. 


Let me just apologize now for the disappointment that is this post. Honestly, I don't care whether I stand up for myself or not. I mean, I know how to carry myself, and that's enough. I care so much more about how I defend the people that mean something to me, whether I know you or not. I don't think that's ever going to change. 

Unequivocal Considerations

I know that this is pointless.

I know that you're never going to read this, but I had to find some sort of outlet other than an old journal to say that your act of kindness moved me to tears today.

Thank you.

Money Doesn't Buy Happiness

If all of your debt was forgiven tomorrow, and you had a completely clean slate, what is the very FIRST thing you would change about your life?


I've just had a change of thought. When I originally wrote out this question, I meant it in terms of money but now that I have just pulled it out of the hat, I'm interpreting debt in more than just its' monetary implications. So in addition to money, if I had no feelings of having to owe anyone anything, if I was completely free I would change locations. In a heartbeat. No questions asked. 


I feel stagnant here.  

Bang Bang That Awful Sound

Your hand was always
one of trust
teaching my own hands
the curves of the wood.
Adult-like
Authoritative
Eager to help and
oh-so-kind.

They taught mine how to
separate core from synthetic stitching
a flash of red, mostly yellow, only
white with luck.

Mine taught yours that
temperament was needed
not
power was needed
not.

Lines were crossed with
No intentions
No words
No actions
Confusion lie only at
your front door.

I needed a ride.
There were fast hands
tall drinks
so many shenanigans and a
Bang
a car backfiring.
Your trusting hands.

Were those pennies I tasted?
-No, just blackness.

A Day For Firsts

What is something you have never tried but would like to?

Simple: Give my heart fully and have one fully returned.