The Greatest Folly of Mankind

Has your greatest fear ever come true?

-Yes, and not only my greatest fear but over 50% of my top ten have come true as well. I know that this is where I'm supposed to reflect on ideas such as my becoming stronger having dealt with such adversity, but I think that's a crock of shit. (Sorry for the language)

I know that failure, disappointment and loss are facts of life, and I have come to terms with that, but there are other now realized fears of mine that aren't facts of life. If anything, I still only see them as cruel jokes. I'm not stronger because of them, nor wiser, rather weaker, defeated and in more fear than before.

Fear is cancer, and eradication is slow.

Plagued by Genius

Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?

-I'm having a hard time answering this one. I have such definitive definitions for these words, and nothing I can think of neatly fits the mold.

I however do tend to find beauty in chaos. For months, friends and fellow peers referred to me as Ms. Eyres in high school (yes, even to my face), because I went to school one day and spent like 10 minutes talking about how beautiful I found this scene of a car accident to be. No one was hurt, but even to this day that particular crash is etched into my brain, as I think it always will be. I wrote poems about it, couldn't stop talking about it, and certainly couldn't get it out of my mind. I just felt like I was always looking at painting, a painting where everything was perfectly placed with purpose and motive.

But as for insanity and creativity? I don't know. You'll have to forgive me for the temporary rain-check.

In. And out.

When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?

I'm doubting the usefulness of this question, because as soon as I read it I did what? Focus on my breathing, of course. But before now?

There was a huge storm Friday night. The thunder woke me from my sleep, so I decided to go out on the balcony and check it out. To say it was pouring would be an understatement. So I, at 2am with no shoes, rather just shorts and a tank top, extend the top half of my body out from the balcony as far as I could without going overboard and just allow myself to take it all in. I naturally got quite wet and I only lasted about three minutes due to my plummeting core body temperature. But I remember coming in, going to the bathroom to check out my rainy hair-do (or should I say hair-don't...), and it was then that I realized how exhilarating of an experience that was. My heart was pounding from excitement, and my breaths were short and quick. I had let all inhibitions go, allowed my intuition to guide me and came away with an intensely stimulating moment that I'm sure will stick around for a while.

Double Trouble

*Note, there are two questions in this post, because I stupidly missed yesterdays'.

1. What do you feel is your greatest skill? 


Well, tying a knot in a cherry stem with my tongue is a very close second, but I guess I would have to say that my greatest skill is my ability to listen. I've been sitting here for 10 minutes trying to figure out what my answer was going to be. At first I thought that I would put down 'love' but love is not a skill, rather it's a gift. 

So with love out of the equation, my gut has been practically yelling at me to put down 'listening' although I don't really know why. Maybe I should LISTEN to my intuition and run with it? Ahaha, that's the first pun I've made in a while. Bear with my corniness. 

I guess I could be comfortable calling my ability to listen a skill, and one of my greatest ones at that. Yes, it has taken trials, failures and careful attention with practice to get this said skill where it is today, and I suppose I should take a little pride in that. One of my main goals coming out of this 50 questions in 50 days project is to become a more effective communicator, and how could I possibly do that without listening? Simple, I couldn't. So here's a toast to my greatest skill in training; may you develop into something even more beautiful than you already are. 

2. Write your epitaph - the sentence you would want to appear on your grave. *(I'm not trying to be morbid. I want to know what first comes to mind. Maybe you'll later reflect on it and wonder what went through your brain that day or perhaps, it'll still ring true. You never know.)


-Music, when soft voices die, vibrates in the memory.

Five, Six, Pick-Up-Sticks

Do I stand up for myself?

While I don't let people walk all over me, I am much more concerned about those around me than I am about myself. Whether that's entirely good or not, I can't be sure, because my empathy for others is quite strong at times to the point where their problems become my own. 


Let me just apologize now for the disappointment that is this post. Honestly, I don't care whether I stand up for myself or not. I mean, I know how to carry myself, and that's enough. I care so much more about how I defend the people that mean something to me, whether I know you or not. I don't think that's ever going to change. 

Unequivocal Considerations

I know that this is pointless.

I know that you're never going to read this, but I had to find some sort of outlet other than an old journal to say that your act of kindness moved me to tears today.

Thank you.

Money Doesn't Buy Happiness

If all of your debt was forgiven tomorrow, and you had a completely clean slate, what is the very FIRST thing you would change about your life?


I've just had a change of thought. When I originally wrote out this question, I meant it in terms of money but now that I have just pulled it out of the hat, I'm interpreting debt in more than just its' monetary implications. So in addition to money, if I had no feelings of having to owe anyone anything, if I was completely free I would change locations. In a heartbeat. No questions asked. 


I feel stagnant here.